Insecurities and body issues

I have been completely insecure about my body until recently when I was looking at old photos of myself. This is not a new topic on this blog, I have previously written about my struggles with my pot belly and how I lived with the struggle. I still struggle with my pot belly, now it’s even worse because any sign of a protruding stomach and people are congratulating and asking for due dates of an imaginary pregnancy. I am clearly human, and I have struggles relatable to other women out there.

Until then when I was looking at those photos, I always looked at myself as a fat woman. In fact to get it off my head, I would announce that I am fat before anyone did whenever I was in a gathering. Not only did I think I was fat, I also thought I was tall despite the tact that I am only 5feet 4inches. I intentionally avoided sitting in specific angles and standing in the dark just so that I do not appear optically gigantic.

My photos of the recent past however put me to shame, they gave me a reality check and made me realize how beautiful I am and how my flows have played a big part in making me who I am. Looking back, I realize I am not a fat person. If the infamous slim possible was still airing on our local television, there is a high chance I wouldn’t have qualified to participate. I know bigger people than I thought of myself, and yet even them wear their beauty with pride.

Looking back, I do not see a gigantic lady. I see the smile in her face, a smile that covers her insecurities but which I smiled back at because it was just so beautiful. I saw eyes that showed the inside of a beautiful soul, then at that moment I realized I was not what I had perceived myself to be. In that moment, I had a flash back at all the complements that I thought were just being told, and I realized that they were meant and true, I truly did look good. My outfit made sense, my face looked healthy and even I would have thrown those complements at myself.

In that moment I realized I am not what I think of myself, I am better and I should know better. I now see a beautiful woman, I spend an extra minute at the mirror, I smile at myself, and I admire my own eyes and drool at my own legs. I now realize that even with my imperfections, I am still perfect, and I am embracing that perfectness.

Have you looked at your old photos lately? Do you see yourself in the mirror?

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